January 26, 2008

Finding my own set of beliefs and boundaries around cuckolding hasn’t been the biggest obstacle in the course of exploring this kink, it’s been finding willing men.

Not many men understand how cuckolding can be sexy and those that do understand still don’t want to make that leap of participating.
Some for reasons of ego, others out of respect and most because it just doesn’t work for them.

And of those men who are ready, willing and able to play “the bull” in our scenerio most of them want to dominate me as well as hubby which isn’t my cup of tea no matter how much sugar you put in it.

So how does one go about finding that specific man who wants to perform in front of another man with his wife and isn’t hung up on taking on any power exchange roles?

Swingers parties for sure, online, through friends…

Now we’re getting down to the nitty gritty, we know what we want, we know ways we can find them, except…

I *abhor* meeting people online, I don’t want to sleep with my friends (I don’t recommend fishing in your own pond) and swingers parties in our area of the world aren’t too many.

We’ve been lucky so far coasting by on luck and circumstance but have yet to find that one man to fulfill both our fantasies, the one that will wrestle with me in bed while my hubby is in the same room.

I think organizing a quarterly meet in our town would be a good idea to network and get a feel of who’s out there and what they are looking for.

Wish me Luck!!



  1. Your comment on “the bull” versus a sexual partner merits my response. I have never been in the situation that you are experiencing, so my thougths and feelings are academic. I do, however, have some reaction to the term, “bull”. I tend to resent their existence. I know it is silly, live and let live and such. All this is up to the people who participate.

    My approach, were I involved with any of this, would be to try to enjoy, yet give the participants all or at least some of what they need out of the experience. It is definitely not a bullish aproach, yet I could take charge to any extent. The whole situation is ripe with opportunities to satisfy one’s cravings. As long as you are participating, you may as well do all without hurting anyone.

  2. So far, I have only been play-cuckolded but I believe a lot of the same issues are the obstacles for my wife.

    We have tried a few swingers parties but the crowd at these were not oriented towards available men, mostly couple-couple or looking for single women. Us being new at them didn’t make it easy searching for exceptions.

    The Internet seems like a very good way to me but my wife wouldn’t even consider any of that. I don’t quite understand the issues for you and her ( way more abhorance) there.

    It’s odd because a few times at a live outing ( bar) she as gone fairly far with chatting about cuckolding with people she just met ( although she didn’t go all the way). It seems way harder and inconvenient to go out and search at random like this, I think all would agree.

    Looking forward to finding some easier ways.

  3. A man who enjoys having sex with women is not hard to find. Pearl has done that. A man who enjoys having sex with married women should be as easy but she has yet to find one and that would still be a compromise.

    What she really wants is a man who enjoys having sex with a married women where I may be waiting outside the door or made to watch or other involvement that may lead to my humiliation.

    Maybe that’s the hard part of it for ‘Bull’ type men. It’s hard to not be a dominate master to a women when they are overpowering the husband in what should be the husband’s societal role of sex with his wife. The wife has picked another man to have sex with. For some that’s a lot of power and if one gets off on that kind of power, it’s hard to hold back on the act.

    The type of person we’re looking for may not exist.

  4. It is a complex interplay of personal expectations among three people. I agree that finding the right combination is almost impossible. Not that I can offer advice, but my attitude is “to compromise”. You may not have everything right, but some of the others are great. As long as you maintain your prime directive, and I assume that you and wife have one, you will be all right. On the long run you will have experienced most or all that you set out to do. But they don’t all have to be in the same episode.

  5. i was actually wondering the same thing since my Wife hasn’t been comfortable enough to go through with actually cuckolding me. It sure feels like we’re in a rut when looking for a guy for Her.

  6. little_shaun

    If it’s the wife that’s not comfortable about cuckolding you the compromise may need to begin with you. Find out why isn’t she comfortable about it and then move from there.

  7. “…but have yet to find that one man to fulfill both our fantasies, the one that will wrestle with me in bed while my hubby is in the same room.”

    I have discovered during my voyage of sexual experimentation a definate fulfillment being the “Bull” in a cuckold relationship, be it as a Dom or not.

    I might be that ethereal man you seek.


  8. finding a bull for couples, is almost impossible as cyber master and timewaster are everywhere. thats why i have got together a small group of guys to help such couples.

  9. We have read with much interest on this.

    Like all of you, we found the “right mix” for our relationship difficult to locate, but it’s out there, for sure.

    For us:

    We needed an adult not a “bull.” Savannah needs comfort, compatability and a big, fat, squishy brain for her want to “go out.” We never use the term “bull.”

    Someone who is her equal (or is submissive to her) and someone who is dominate over me is a “switch.” There are plenty of guys out their like that.

    Savannah actually has two boyfriends that “take her out.” Getting along has been easier to accomplish that getting schedules to work.

    Your local bdsm or swingers group is a great place to start shopping for a new boyfriend. A polyamorous group is custom made for finding someone else.

    We have found that “erotic sharing” is a better “starting point” for this activity rather than a full-blown cuckold relationship, at first. We have stayed with this idea for 3 yrs now and has worked well for us.


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