Who’s Kink Is It Anyway?

January 6, 2011

Let’s be honest, Cuckolding is a cuckold directed fetish.

I’m going to use the traditional male/female references here even though I know of, and appreciate,  the plethora of gender and sexuality identities out there that cuckold each other.

Anway, what was I saying? Oh, right. If a women was to truly cuckold her husband it would be devastating. Really, trust would be destroyed, values devalued, assumptions and habits questioned and possibly drama created from the “bull”.  I don’t believe any woman (don’t prove me wrong Internet!) would willingly decide they wanted their husbands to become cuckolds. I think the women who make their husbands one do so out of their own desire to get what they want regardless of the consequences. They are cheaters, or, they are Mistresses/Dominatrixes.

The more common scenario is of a man who wants his wife to sleep with someone stronger/bigger/more dominant/better looking than him in order to get a dose of specific humiliation.

But here’s the kicker, it only works if the wife is willing to play the part. What I see most often is the husband searching online & in RL for “bulls” for his wife. Setting up dates &  planning scenarios.
This is called “topping from the bottom” and if the woman isn’t assertive enough, commanding enough, then it doesn’t work for the husband, he’s not being cuckolded. Am I wrong?

So, here’s my dilemma. My husband wants to be cuckolded so badly it takes up a large part of his brainspace just thinking about it. I on the other hand want him to lay the fuck off my sex life. It’s mine and isn’t that what he wants me to think and feel? He’s not going to be cuckolded if he keeps sending me online profiles of bulls because he knows deep down that it’s all his idea. I am a Dominant and I can role play but cuckolding has very distinct specifications.

Last night I told him I was going upstairs to masturbate and then to go to bed while he was still working late into the night. This morning he “suggested” that next time I can invite a booty call over while he’s working and do the same thing, tell him I’m going to come then go to bed.

CH does not understand that him “suggesting” a scenario for MY sex life makes it, in effect, HIS sex life and that, dear readers, just won’t do.

I don’t think he’s ready to accept what  a real cuckold is, I think he’s still rooted in fantasy.






  1. Oops. I think I made her mad.

    A long while ago when She was already doing it sort of …

    – really flirting and only wanting to play MMF; she was nervous about me ‘running off with another woman’ if we did full on swinging; felt much more comfortable with her being promiscuous but me remaining faithful –

    I looked online for “wifes who cheat” and “cheating Girl Friends” (she was my girlfriend at the time). I found the term and kink ‘cuckolding’ and what it meant. Since we are both into kink and open to talking it was easy to bring it up with her and the idea of playing it out. I’ll never forget the expression and relief she displayed when I first told her that I would remain faithful while she could do what she wanted, when she wanted, with or without my knowledge.

    Even then it was hard for her to get into. (Or perhaps she was getting into it and wasn’t telling me). As far as cuckolding goes, she doesn’t like to see me humiliated but humiliation is the biggest part of cuckolding. Being inferior. Still, she has no problem getting busy with a cute guy.

    He curiosity grew and so did her questions of what I enjoyed about it. So I dug deep into myself. We started this blog about it. I explained the best I could. I answered the questions the best I could and explained some of the things she could get away with while being with the likes of me.

    At some point along the way she stopped asking and I guess I just kept right on explaining and suggesting. It sounds like I should just shut the fuck up now.

    • I like you, probably because you remind me of me, so I’m going to try and help you out. FYI, you’re lucky, my wife made me figure everything out without any guidance.

      First of all you need to embrace the fact that you’re a complete idiot, and that Pearl knows it, and that she always knows when you’re trying to manipulate her, even when you don’t, because you’re such an idiot. For instance it’s even obvious to me that you care more about pleasing your penis than you care about pleasing her.

      Not to worry, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t love her, it might mean that your just going through a difficult growth phase. You may want to keep that in mind when you get on your knees and beg her forgiveness for treating her like a blow up sex toy.

      Hint: When I finally figured out what I really really wanted I told my wife that as far as I was concerned she could do whatever, wherever, whenever, and with whomever she wanted, with or without my knowledge. I also told her that henceforth she would have the last word on every decision. End of story. I knew she wanted to be free, which was exactly what I wanted.

      Just one more thing. I’ve been meditating for more than 3 decades so I KNOW that whatever one gives one really does get back tenfold. A genuine desire to give really is it’s own reward – no reciprocation necessary. Think about it.

      That’s it, other than good luck my cornudo compadre. All my best wishes to you both.

  2. Interesting… as I have commented a few times of this subject, and been involved personally as ‘third'(I don’t care for the ‘bull’ label, or labels in general unless the couple likes labels), I can relate, especially as I read other couples experiences. In your particular relationship, I think she has communicated her interest at least for the moment, and your conclusion of the subject is probably correct. Keeping this as fantasy may be the better option for now…

  3. I don’t know about you, but sometimes my kinky brain comes up with ideas that never occurred to my wife. Whatever you do, don’t block the wonderfully intimate communication that makes for a great marriage. I’m sure I’m preaching to the choir, but some of your readers may not get it.

    My one and only criticism of your blog is that you don’t post frequently enough. 😉

  4. It actually gets hotter when, as the dude, you give up control or trying to control her sex life at all.

    I think it was easier for Rome Girl and I then for most couples because when she started seeing me she was already seeing other men, so there was no monogamy bound for me to break.

    Then, again, we sort of just stumbled into it, because we realized sort of accidentally when she brought up that she was seeing other guys and asked if it bothered me I got seriously turned on and so did she.

    It also helped that we were in a long distance relationship at the time. So as our relationship evolved and she eventually moved in with me, she simply continued seeing other men on her terms, which is how it had been at the start.

    Me getting turned on by it was a bonus, not the starting point of the situation.

    Of course, that’s gotten kinkier and more hard wired over the seven years we’ve been together.

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